My Dog is Undecided

Chuckle #492 | November 6th, 2012

 scroll down to leave a comment 

Pundits never stop yakking about election bellwethers, but not a single one of them has mentioned the dogs.  Pets are a reflection of their owner’s needs and desires.  Isn’t that the reason why, over time, people start to resemble their dogs?  The relationship between man and dog is especially close and often weird. 

And now it’s become political.

When my dog first peed on a Romney/Ryan lawn sign, I glanced furtively around to make sure no one was watching.  I was worried that folks would boo and jeer and make rude gestures, and maybe even shoot me.  After all, I live in the most Republican town in all New England.  Gun ownership is high and, given a sympathetic judge, that ‘deer at dusk’ defense will work every time.

But then I started to think about what makes a dog pee on some things and not on others.  Was my dog showing approval or disdain by ‘marking’ the Republican sign? Was he pro-Mitt or anti-Mitt?

Hmmmm.  An intriguing question.

 

So I set out to find a neighborhood Democrat with big enough maracas to put an Obama/Biden sign up on the most sacred of all turf, their own front lawn.  We walked and walked.  I became tired.  The dog became tired.  I started to worry that, statistically speaking, the distance travelled could affect the validity of the experiment.

By that time, my dog had already peed on five hapless branches, three hydrants and another dog.  Would he have any pee left, and if so, how would he choose to use it?

 

I realized that Quinnipiac or CNN would have to undertake this study at a later date in a more controlled environment, but for now, I really wanted to see what would happen if and when we found an Obama sign. 

And lo and behold, three miles later, there it was!  We hurried over. He sniffed, he circled, and then…he lifted! Only a few drops came out, but that says something doesn’t it?  Something important I’d like to think.

Either my dog just likes to pee on stuff that sits enticingly close to the road, or my dog is …UNDECIDED! 

This is a really big discovery.  Given the close relationship between man and dog, the chances are pretty high that an undecided voter could be influenced by his dog.  As we all know, the Ohio ‘undecideds’ will choose our next president.  How many of them own dogs?  Are these dogs influential enough to gain a proxy vote?  What is the partisan breakdown of lawn signs in the most critical, contested areas?

Which candidate has (I just can’t resist), a ‘leg up’ over the other?

Given this momentous, breaking news, how should the campaigns react?  For starters, I recommend that Barack and Mitt stop wasting their time kissing babies in down and out diners, and start handing out milkbones, because this election has gone to the dogs. 

An undecided voter is genuinely confused.  All they want is a ‘sign’ to point them in the right direction.  Like religion, it doesn’t have to make sense.  So why wouldn’t they look to man’s best friend for a voting cue?

If you’re looking for a ‘sign’ of where this election is headed, forget about the fancy polls, they are way too scientific.

Watch the neighborhood dogs.  Or better yet, take yours for a walk.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Get your Weekly Chuckle via email at www.laughoutloudmom.com
Copyright 2012, LOLmom.com, Greenwich CT