...and the Holy Ghost

Chuckle #466 | September 14th, 2011
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“Mom, what exactly is the “Holy Ghost?” asked my daughter, throwing me a tough question out of left field. I paused and thought for a minute.

Having spent 10 glorious years under the tutelage of Father O’Malley, you’d think I would know the answer to this one. But for some reason (suppressed childhood memories, perhaps?), I drew a blank.

I definitely have Selective Catholic Recall, but it is also possible that Father O’Malley, lacking confidence in our intellect, chose to not beat his head against the wall by trying to explain the Holy Ghost to my confirmation class.

To be honest, he was probably right about us. My intrepid classmates and I spent most of our time with Father O'Malley trying to hide the fact that we had huge wads of gum secreted in our cheeks, speculating about certain hot altar boys, and trying to avoid blasts of Eucharist breath. Needless to say, we weren't always hanging on his every word.

We could barely remember the 10 commandments from week to week; I doubt we could have handled a nebulous liturgical construct.

Of course I regret those unholy shenanigans now because I don’t like being stumped by my children. So, rather than admit ignorance, I made up something plausible-sounding. (In hindsight I probably should have called my mother, but isn't that always the case?)

“Well, sweetie,” I began, “the Holy Ghost is like the glue that holds the Trinity together, like a thick pea soup, a kind of God Fog.”

She frowned. “So it’s like the water in a lake, or the agar in a petri dish?”

I looked at her blankly. Was agar that jelly-like stuff from 8th grade science class? Darn it, yet another thing from my youth that I can’t quite remember, or that I’ve suppressed.

“Oh...I get it mom, you’re saying that the Holy Ghost is like a medium for spirituality.”

“YES!” I exclaimed, relieved. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. You know, this question of who or what is the Holy Ghost has been hotly debated for thousands of years. Fistfights still break out in the seminary over it. Talk about controversy. I’ve personally always wondered how exactly the Holy Spirit knocked up Mary. They just won’t explain that stuff to you when you are a kid.”

“I don’t know where you are going with this, mom. Are we having ‘the talk’?”

“No, no, definitely not. I’m not prepared to talk about the birds and the bees right now, forget about metaphysical conception.”

Later on that day I did some research. As it turns out, the entire internet offers up only vague conjeccture about the role Holy Ghost/Spirit. Scholars have different interpretations and as a result there’s a lot of contradictory information out there. Even on GotChrist.com.

Right or wrong, ‘God Fog’ has a nice ring to it. But if anyone out there can explain the Holy Ghost better in 10 words or less, bring it on. As a tribute to Father O'Malley, I’ll even spit out my gum and give you my undivided attention.
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