My "Projects" Runneth Over

Chuckle #447 | April 6th, 2011
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Finishing the “projects” I’ve started could easily take the rest of my life. And that’s assuming some rather generous increases in average life expectancy over the next 20 years. Part of my problem is that I’m so darn Yankee cheap that I always think that I can make something for less than it would cost to buy.

Of course my homemade stuff is only cheaper if you assume that my time is free and that my husband is a bottomless pit of supportive love, money and patience.

So far so good.

I take on most projects to “save” money (though an honest look at actual costs might prove that the savings, if any, are nominal.) But you can’t put a price on the fact that everything I make is by definition Made in America, no matter how BUTT ugly.

But crafting is not always about saving money. Sometimes I “create” just for the joy of it and for the thrill of repurposing something I picked up from the dump. Those are the most dangerous projects of all because 1) I am not a visionary like Martha Stewart; and 2) I failed Home Economics in 7th grade.

Let’s just say that I am VERY good at gathering all the required supplies for a project idea. I am TERRIBLE at execution. When it comes time to break out the scissors, the glue gun or the chain saw, that’s right about when I start to lose interest.

For a while now I have suspected that I suffer from a mild form of ADD because of the number of projects I have in “craft limbo”. But if not finishing craft projects is some kind of disorder, I’m guessing that I am not alone.

I’m also pretty sure that the sheer vastness of my incomplete project universe is slowly driving my husband nuts. (And that’s without him knowing what’s hidden in the garage.) But every few years I manage to redeem myself by making something that looks reasonably attractive; often surprising us both.

Then I tell him that I just saved $500 over what that same item would have cost at Sotheby's. Financial “spin” is what keeps my craft orgy afloat.

I know you are desperate to know what I’m currently “working” on so here’s a sample…

Project #1) Making a mini-skirt out of my husband’s old ties. Status: after 5 years I have accumulated 37 ties and lots of stretchy waistband material. I’m not quite sure how to proceed.

Project #2) Making a bed skirt out of two linen curtains and a roll of grosgrain ribbon. Status: half complete after 9 months. What’s holding me back? Tender fingertips. I keep burning myself on the glue gun.

Project #3) Making cushions for the kitchen bench nook. Status: 15 years… I have the material but actually taking scissors to cloth is just too stressful.

Those are my big projects. But I also have mini-obsessions that provide day to day distractions.

For example, just last week, after extensive online research, I tried to dehydrate grapes in my oven. I gave up after an hour. It didn't take me long to figure out that running the oven for 80 hours to create ½ cup of raisins made no sense.

Perhaps I am penny wise and pound foolish. Or just pound foolish. I am chock full of awesome ideas, but I definitely have more “creative” energy than “execution” energy. And I occasionally do things that make no economic sense at all. But that’s part of my charm.

At least that’s what I tell my husband. There's nothing wrong with a little positive spin.
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