One Woman, One Vote, & 257 Oversized Political Postcards

Chuckle #428 | November 3rd, 2010
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Because I kept my maiden name, and because my husband and I are both registered to vote, we receive TWO copies of every political mailing. If there ever was a good reason to take your husband’s name, this would be it. My recycling bin is simply not big enough to handle this much political discourse AND the early holiday catalogues.

On the other hand, some of this propaganda has excellent entertainment value.

My favorite mailings are the ones where candidates have clearly tried to make their opponent look really unlikeable by using the most unflattering photos they can find off the internet. The best graphic designers can then realistically Photoshop in chain link fence backgrounds and pet Pit Bulls. It’s really quite remarkable.

And it's all done in the name of democracy.

By the time you read this, Election Day will have come and gone, and you, like me, will have recycled that 40 gallon bin full of diatribe and vitriol and cast your vote for the person who has annoyed you the least during the last 6 months.

This process of figuring out who to vote for takes a lot of effort. Reviewing candidates’ positions, visiting factcheck.org, and reading the League of Women Voter’s “Voter Guide” is time consuming. I can see why people sometimes take the easy way out and simply vote along party lines, or for their favorite pundit’s candidates. I totally understand. Participating in Democracy is easy; doing it with intelligence is really hard work.

So when I can’t decide between two candidates, or it doesn’t seem to matter who I pick, I choose the person who parts their hair on the left…like me.

At least I have a system.

Just so you know where I am coming from, I’m one of those “unaffiliated” swing voters who’s become so disillusioned with our two party system that I’ve been actively seeking a more moderate, normal third party to call my own.

My intensive research and deep soul searching has let me to the Modern Whig Party, to which I have now given permission to send me email. I have single-handedly broadened their base to include disaffected stay-at-home suburban moms who are deeply concerned about the state of our great nation, but are too busy arranging carpools to do much about it.

They say they are happy to have me, despite my limitations.

The Modern Whigs are moderates who believe in fiscal responsibility and social tolerance; the defense of our nation, and the need for US supremacy in renewable energy and education. The founding members are veterans of the Iraq and Afghan wars, and are therefore well acquainted with the M16.

Good friends to have as 2012 approaches.

The real reason I joined the party is because they have the best slogan ever, “Whig Out!” (and partly because I’ve always had a “thing” for Lincoln.)

While I’m psyched about my new party, I’m feeling subdued this election year. The euphoria is gone and all I’ve got left is political ennui and mistrust. Do you feel it too?

If you’ve got my political symptoms, and you think there could be some truth to the Mayan rumors of apocalypse in 2012, then the Modern Whigs might be right for you. At the very least they can teach you how to shoot that sawed-off shotgun.

According to the experts, the next few years are going to be all about survival.
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