My Ridonculous Refrigerator Folly

Chuckle #424 | October 6th, 2010
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We’re all familiar with Murphy’s Law, the Law of Diminishing Returns, Lemon Laws and “In” Laws. Combine all four and you get Appliance Law.

Appliance Law dictates that your dishwasher will break down the minute your in-laws arrive and that your fridge will fail the day before Thanksgiving. These things will happen precisely three weeks after your warrantee expires. That’s because appliance companies are smart enough to hire actuaries, but not smart enough to build stuff that lasts.

I’m told that we live in the age of “disposable” hard goods. And yes, that should be a non sequitur, but sadly, it is not.

The day my fridge stopped working I went online to find out why. The helpful consumer blog “GE Blows” informed me that my icebox was at the end of its life expectancy of approximately 10 years.  Even my DOG will last longer than that, and I've only had to "repair" him once.

To Repair or To Replace? That is the question we beleaguered consumers face more and more often. So what would it cost to replace my fridge? Almost as much as a brand new Nissan Versa – which unlike a fridge, has re-sale value and comes in many attractive colors.

I did see some perfectly lovely fridges in the showroom for around $1000-$1500 bucks. But the custom paneled ice/water dispensing, counter depth 42 inch unit that would fit in my fridge “space” costs a whole lot more.

I wish I could remember what was I thinking (or how much model glue I was exposed to) 10 years ago when I was planning my kitchen.

In my parents’ day, fridges lasted 30 years. I know this because when I called to tell my mom that my fridge was broken, she spent a ½ hour communicating this 10 second factoid to me. Of course the old fridge had to be manually de-frosted every 5 days, using pans of boiling water and an ice pick. But at least it kept stuff cold.

And don’t get me started on my GE Spacemaker microwave. It is the ONLY model microwave that fits in my upper cabinet “microwave designated” built-in space, and therefore GE knows that it can break with IMPUNITY every two years.

I once had the nerve to ask GE why this microwave was so darn bad. GE kindly suggested that I refrain from wiping the control panel with a damp rag as it causes the panel to short out. So as long as people don’t clean this microwave, it should be fine. GE is very helpful that way. I only wish that this minor caveat had appeared in the manual two microwaves ago.

So here’s the lesson learned. Do not “build in” or put expensive wood panels on your appliances (unless you are filthy rich.) Sure it looks nice for a couple years, but once the appliance breaks, you are stuck, sucker.

Given that today’s appliances last only 10-12 years, the smart consumer should buy the cheapest possible energy star rated appliances. If you can also design a charming “unfitted” kitchen, like in the old days, you can really save big when you inevitably have to replace every appliance you own.

BTW, my fridge was eventually repaired, but only after I subtly shared my Italian heritage with Mario the repair guy, and told him that replacing the fridge would mean dipping into the college fund. He took pity on me and fixed it within an hour.

And here’s some more food for thought. The repair of my built-in refrigerator folly cost about the same as my parents paid for their first fridge, delivered.

See mom, I was listening…
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