I Only Nag You Because I Love You

Chuckle #425 | October 13th, 2010
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I don’t want to be a nag. (And I certainly don’t like BEING nagged.) But despite my best intentions, I find myself doing it. And once I start, I can’t seem to shut myself up.

I like to think that nagging is born of motherly love, worry and concern. In reality, we moms are not nagging, we are simply reminding our children that certain things must get done if they are to realize their full potential and enjoy a bright future. This is hopefully a “future” in which we no longer do our kids’ laundry or make them lunch.

For some reason kids insist on calling this pure expression of motherly love, nagging.

Dads don’t nag, mostly because “nag” can also mean an old and overworked FEMALE horse. It’s therefore unseemly for a man to nag. Most men have learned to endure the chaos of family life in manly silence, even when they trip over stuff left on the mudroom floor.

What Dads have really learned is to do is to leave the nagging to mom.

With regards to mom, the definition of “Nag” is…

1. To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging.
2. To be a persistent source of anxiety or annoyance.

So what distinguishes “reminding” from “nagging”?

In a close reading of the Webster’s definition above, the difference appears to be the words “constant”, “persistent”, and “annoy”. Apparently you can “remind” someone to do something once or twice. To do so repeatedly means that you have become unbearable.

“Reminding” is done at the dinner table during civilized conversation. “Nagging” is done while standing in front of the TV during the kids’ favorite show. Big difference.

But aren’t moms forced to nag because ONE reminder is never enough? If we do not repeat ourselves ad nauseam, then important stuff falls through the cracks. We LOVE our kids too way much to let them suffer the consequences of procrastination. That is why we nag.

If I did not nag, my kids would NEVER change their sheets. If I did not nag, my son would probably not apply to college. If I did not nag, my children would re-use their dirty underwear and leave their bicycles out in the rain. Who suffers? THEY do. Why can’t my kids seem to understand that I’m only trying to help?

It is very difficult, nay, it is impossible for a woman to stay silent about some things, especially dirty underwear. But are we really helping when we parrot the same demands over and over, only to let our kids’ slide day after day?

Over time I have learned that nagging only works if it comes with some tough love in the form of really unsettling consequences. For example, “I am removing all the toilet paper from this house until you sign-up for the SATs.” Say it once…take the paper…watch the reaction.

So if you want to be heard (and obeyed), try delivering some compelling consequences along with your gentle “reminders”. Then bite your tongue and be willing to let your kids drop the ball and totally screw-up.

They call it tough love for two reasons. 1) It takes guts to deliver, and 2) letting your kid fail usually hurts you even more than it hurts them.
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