My Rude Response to "Reply All"

Chuckle #422 | September 22nd, 2010
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The misuse, over-use and general abuse of “Reply All” is driving me crazy. Why are so many seemingly intelligent people unable to determine when to use “reply all” vs. “reply”? This is NOT a difficult distinction to make. Am I wrong?

Would you shout in a restaurant so that everyone could hear your conversation? Would you yell at all three of your kids when only one of them was in trouble? No you would not. But there are people out there who don’t think twice about hitting “reply all”. And those people need help.

“Reply all” is for super important, need-to-know stuff, like delays, cancellations, injuries, and acts of God. Using “reply all” for ANY other reason is unacceptably bad mannered.

Our inboxes are clogged with “reply all” messages from well-meaning moms who can’t make a distinction between stuff that is truly important and getting their hair highlighted. We have no choice but to read these emails on the miniscule chance that they contain critical information.

There is a mom on a “water related” team email distribution list who is a prime offender. She ALWAYS replies to group emails with consecutive group replies, such as “Thanks!” “Where is it?” and “Oops!” I kid you not.

This mom has become the “boy who cried wolf” of my inbox. I routinely delete her messages without reading them, knowing that 99.9% of the time, they will be a colossal waste of my time. One day she is going to email me something that could have saved my life, and I will have prematurely sent it into cyberspace.

Sometimes a “tree” should fall in the forest without being heard. George Berkeley would have had a metaphysical field day with people who compulsively “reply all”. He might have said that they are desperately trying to confirm their own existence by “emailing it” from the rooftops, and hoping for a reply. "Esse est percipi" (To be is to be perceived.)

Ok, so maybe that is complete drunken Irish philosopher psycho-babble. In my opinion, most people who over-use “reply all” are suffering from Digital Diva Disease or simply don’t have a clue. This column might help them get one.

Reply all is an important communication tool, assuming you can distinguish important information from hogwash. For example, for a group of 200, the fact that little Becky has lice is VERY important to all of us. The fact that Jane is having dinner with her husband at Tavern on the Green and can’t make the Parent Orientation Meeting is NOT.

Sadly, the over-use of “reply all” has made us extra suspicious. We systematically delete almost every email we receive. What if one of them contains the critical update that Becky, in addition to head lice, now has a highly communicable water-borne disease and should be avoided at all costs? It’s a risk we all take in a digital age.

So how do you stop the “reply all” epidemic? How do you tell your wife that she talks too much? Probably not going to happen. So you keep hitting delete and hoping that the Google brain trust is working on a solution.

In the meantime, if any “reply all” abusers are reading this column right now, take this message to heart. And maybe try something new for a change, like “forward this email to a friend.”
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