Polygamy for Feminists

Chuckle #412 | July 7th, 2010
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Is polygamy wrong? It’s certainly illegal in the good old USA, though still practiced here and in 100 other countries. Illegal, legal, wrong or right, polygamy keeps rearing its happy little head. I think the concept is utterly fascinating. Besides, its mere existence gives the fading flame of feminism a badly needed fanning.

Can’t we all admit to a little prurient curiosity about how polygamy works in practice? Be honest with yourself. Surely you read the People magazine expose about the break-away Mormon family/cult /sect of 500 uncovered in Texas, if only in the grocery store line (like me.) Surely you want to know how a group of women shares one man. Or in fairness, how a group of men might share one wife.

I do. (And please don’t tell me I’m alone.)

Men are always complaining about their wives…how much they talk, how much they spend on their hair, how much they nag…so what does a guy get out of an arrangement like this, other than a few extra mouths to feed, a cleaner house, and perfectly starched shirts?

Don’t answer that if you are a man.

Brady Udall just came out with a new book called The Lonely Polygamist. It is a work of fiction for sure, because the emasculated protagonist complains too much about the demands of child-making, and the wives are in charge of everything. Since none of that rings true, I’m pretty sure he didn’t interview any actually polygynists for background research. But that won’t stop me from reading the book. There are some things I just need to know. And books like this, along with People Magazine are happy to oblige. So if you have a 6th grade reading level or above, feel free to join me.

I’m definitely not interested in being one of 5 wives, but if I wasn’t already happily married, I would be interested in having a few extra husbands around, a la polyandry.

I’d like to see my hubby “to do” list wiped out by my four husbands in a single weekend. Imagine how much stuff four handy guys could get done around the house. Presuming two weren’t getting their hair and nails done. Staggering amounts. Projects galore. My handyman harem would ROCK my world.

Then again, after coming home from a long day at work, I might find it difficult to listen with genuine interest as four guys described all the awesome chores they got done, while caring for our 10 children. But as a loving spouse, I would do it. The real problem might lie in the bedroom department…the pre-nup(s) would definitely have to ban the use of Viagra, and subscriptions to Hustler.

I wonder if we would all sit together around the dinner table as one big happy family? That could be weird. Would I limit the number of children that I would bear each husband? What if one husband was handier than the others, would I subconsciously favor that husband over the others? Would they bicker?

I don’t know. The more I think about trying to make polygamy work, the less I want to try it at all. Since the only real benefit seems to be getting more stuff done around the house, maybe I should just manage my current husband’s project list more efficiently.That would be a lot simpler than managing four spouses.

The extreme feminist in me would probably give polyandry a try. Luckily I’m way too lazy to make the effort.
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