A Good Memory is a Mommy Superpower

CHUCKLE #376 | October 1st, 2009
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My pediatrician is holding me hostage. I can NEVER change doctors because I have, over time and with great effort, memorized her address and phone number. This means that I can fill out MEDICAL FORMS on the fly. This is one of the few bonafide "mommy" superpowers. Having this critical data on instant recall is HUGE.  It would be decidedly painful at this stage in my life to try and memorize a new doctor's "vitals." I'm not even sure it's possible. For that matter, I can never "un-friend" any of my emergency contacts. (NOT that I would want to!) I've listed the same friends on all "emergency contact" forms since my kids were preschoolers, in part because I really do like these women, and primarily because I happen to know their home phone, cell numbers, and addresses by heart.

My amazing "form" memory is not genetic, it is the result of endless repetition. Year after year I write the same information over and over on multiple forms for every school, sport, extra curricular activity, YMCA membership, and summer camp. Our school district has moved to a computer based central information system and I STILL have to fill out five different forms every time my child wants to participate in a new activity at school. Even colleges now have a universal admission form. Why can't there be a "universal" contact/medical form? The hand cramps have got to stop! Just give me the means and I will happily, irrevocably and into perpetuity, grant permission for my child to enjoy medical treatment anytime she should require it. I love her THAT much. In fact, with a universal form, and no need to have my doctor's stats memorized, I COULD change doctors. I would have REAL healthcare options. And that would be a significant advance in...wait for it...healthcare re"FORM."

Would you be for or against a universal contact/medical form for your kids? Doctors would save a lot of time not having to complete and sign all those forms every year, so their overhead might go down, and healthcare costs along with it. (If any Democrat or Republican wants to steal that idea and add tack it on to the healthcare bill, feel free.) But wait! The flip side to a universal form is that I would most likely forget my friends' phone numbers and become a lonely, bitter woman requiring expensive antidepressants. Costs go up. Quality of life goes down. Hmmm...I can see that even the simplest ideas for healthcare re"FORM" could be controversial...Better start sharpening those #2 pencils!